Caitlynn,
Remember what I mentioned to you on an earlier post about text blocks? A text block at MAXimum is a paragraph, but most paragraphs can be three text blocks.
• Use bulleted lists for three or more items in a sentence
• Your font is hard to read; it is dark, dense, and small–I’m thinking it was a copy/paste from elsewhere into your blog? It just doesn’t look good.
• Your text blocks are really large and difficult to visually penetrate.
TIP: Really LOOK at the page as a graphic layout before turning it into your boss because at work, you’re only going to get one chance to do it perfectly. There will be somebody behind you more than ready to take your place.
• You misspelled my name
• You have some weird caps and errors, soI’m thinking you haven’t proof read your work
• You occasionally lapse into “fake technical writing” with awkward phrases like “that will utilize said network ”
• You have run-away sentences, like, “The last few weeks I have familiarized myself with both Oregon Ballot Measure 91, House Bill 3400, and Temporary Rules, focusing intently on the sections relating to computer network security requirements as well as general building security requirements that will rely on the network to operate such as digital locks, IP Cameras, and centralized alarm systems.” That is 56 words. The average recommended length for tech writing is 12. For college papers, 26. It’s grammatical, but it is also looooong. 🙁
Please edit your entire document with this list in mind and Moodle message me when you have completed your revision.
Many thanks!
Great project, BTW!
Sandy
Caitlyn,
Excellent visual revision!
On your Proposal Project, I will definitely be looking for appropriate charts or visuals that add to your report. I want to see students referring to and interpreting those elements and correctly captioning and attributing them. n this report, your elements are merely decorative and don’t add to the discussion–which has its place, for sure!
Thanks for this effort!
Sandy
Caitlynn,
Remember what I mentioned to you on an earlier post about text blocks? A text block at MAXimum is a paragraph, but most paragraphs can be three text blocks.
• Use bulleted lists for three or more items in a sentence
• Your font is hard to read; it is dark, dense, and small–I’m thinking it was a copy/paste from elsewhere into your blog? It just doesn’t look good.
• Your text blocks are really large and difficult to visually penetrate.
TIP: Really LOOK at the page as a graphic layout before turning it into your boss because at work, you’re only going to get one chance to do it perfectly. There will be somebody behind you more than ready to take your place.
• You misspelled my name
• You have some weird caps and errors, soI’m thinking you haven’t proof read your work
• You occasionally lapse into “fake technical writing” with awkward phrases like “that will utilize said network ”
• You have run-away sentences, like, “The last few weeks I have familiarized myself with both Oregon Ballot Measure 91, House Bill 3400, and Temporary Rules, focusing intently on the sections relating to computer network security requirements as well as general building security requirements that will rely on the network to operate such as digital locks, IP Cameras, and centralized alarm systems.” That is 56 words. The average recommended length for tech writing is 12. For college papers, 26. It’s grammatical, but it is also looooong. 🙁
Please edit your entire document with this list in mind and Moodle message me when you have completed your revision.
Many thanks!
Great project, BTW!
Sandy
Caitlyn,
Excellent visual revision!
On your Proposal Project, I will definitely be looking for appropriate charts or visuals that add to your report. I want to see students referring to and interpreting those elements and correctly captioning and attributing them. n this report, your elements are merely decorative and don’t add to the discussion–which has its place, for sure!
Thanks for this effort!
Sandy